Monday, September 16, 2013

I'm Already Here

The Late, Great, Perkin's Palace


This weekend I went to a Heavy Metal show to see Anthrax, Megadeth, and Iron Maiden.  There's an old saying in English "You can never go home again."  This show gave me great pause to consider this adage.  The bands sounded great, and they proved to be truly top notch entertainers but, something was very different.  We are all obviously older but that wasn't it.  As I tried to figure out what I was feeling, it came to me.  I am different.

Years ago I did the "club thing".  I would go to the Troubadour,  The Roxy, Gazzari's, Perkin's Palace, name a dive where the music was live and loud; I would be there.  I even worked as a roadie for bands that would later become enduring parts of the Heavy Metal scene.  In those days sex, drugs, and rock and roll wasn't a catch phrase, it was reality.  I lived life hard and fast and told myself I was having fun.  Then one day I woke up and it was all over.  

Most former addicts or "recovering addicts" will be able to tell you exactly what happened to make them quit or what the "turning point" in their life was.  It was different for me.  I never felt comfortable in my role as a Hesher/ Stoner.  Some might say I was a "Poser", a title that would have infuriated me at the time, but I think I am good with it now.  Whatever the case may be, I awoke from my Rock and Roll coma and decided to take a different path.

I am not going to try and tell the whole story at this point but, today I work closely with Law Enforcement and my life is in a very different place.  Maybe not so oddly, I romanticized the "Heavy Metal 80's" in my own head.  My memories were of a time when the battle cry was "Die Young!" and I was poisoning myself just to the brink of making it come true.  I'm glad I didn't; I still lament the loss of friends who did not make the switch in time.

As I said earlier, the show this weekend was great and a great "eye opener".  I am not the confused kid I was then.  Beyond that, I no longer feel the need to be that kid anymore.  The music and the videos from the 80's will always be enshrined in my heart and I would not change those memories for any others.  That said, I am happier and more at peace with my life than ever before.  Nothing is perfect but it can be good, even great if you choose to let it be.  

This is not a story of "Paradise Lost", it is the story of satisfaction realized.  I will not lament the passing of yesterday's youth.  Rather, I will celebrate my today and the wisdom of time.  I will allow the temples and shrines of my past to stand.  I will walk in the gardens of my memories but, I will never again live there.  The best days of my life are ahead of me, not behind.  If someone says to me "You can never go home again" I will smile and know in my heart, I'm already here.



Roger H. P. Clark



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