Steve

My thoughts are so disjointed

How could you take your life?

I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed 

Look at all this damage, hurt and strife

Brother, I am sorry you were in so much pain

I feel guilty that you felt you couldn't call

Knowing that I won't speak to you again

Is the most painful thing of all

No fucking answers just questions now

We were the same Goddamn age

Wondering if we failed you and how

Feeling emptiness and rage

These fatal steps can't be retraced

Why Steve? Man, why?

What was the problem that you faced

That made you want to die?

I guess there's no point asking
There's not much left that we can do

Console each other's mourning
Just know this bro; we miss you.




I got the call last night from Steve's brother and one of my best friends, Larry.  I am still in shock these words are anemic at best.  This is how I deal with loss.  I don't know or care if my prose are any good.  I just needed to do something with all this angry energy.  My condolences go out to Steve's family.

I'm Already Here

The Late, Great, Perkin's Palace

This weekend I went to a Heavy Metal show to see Anthrax, Megadeth, and Iron Maiden.  There's an old saying in English "You can never go home again."  This show gave me great pause to consider this adage.  The bands sounded great, and they proved to be truly top notch entertainers but, something was very different.  We are all obviously older but that wasn't it.  As I tried to figure out what I was feeling, it came to me.  I am different.

Years ago I did the "club thing".  I would go to the Troubadour,  The Roxy, Gazzari's, Perkin's Palace, name a dive where the music was live and loud; I would be there.  I even worked as a roadie for bands that would later become enduring parts of the Heavy Metal scene.  In those days sex, drugs, and rock and roll wasn't a catch phrase, it was reality.  I lived life hard and fast and told myself I was having fun.  Then one day I woke up and it was all over.  

Most former addicts or "recovering addicts" will be able to tell you exactly what happened to make them quit or what the "turning point" in their life was.  It was different for me.  I never felt comfortable in my role as a Hesher/ Stoner.  Some might say I was a "Poser", a title that would have infuriated me at the time, but I think I am good with it now.  Whatever the case may be, I awoke from my Rock and Roll coma and decided to take a different path.

I am not going to try and tell the whole story at this point but, today I work closely with Law Enforcement and my life is in a very different place.  Maybe not so oddly, I romanticized the "Heavy Metal 80's" in my own head.  My memories were of a time when the battle cry was "Die Young!" and I was poisoning myself just to the brink of making it come true.  I'm glad I didn't; I still lament the loss of friends who did not make the switch in time.

As I said earlier, the show this weekend was great and a great "eye opener".  I am not the confused kid I was then.  Beyond that, I no longer feel the need to be that kid anymore.  The music and the videos from the 80's will always be enshrined in my heart and I would not change those memories for any others.  That said, I am happier and more at peace with my life than ever before.  Nothing is perfect but it can be good, even great if you choose to let it be.  

This is not a story of "Paradise Lost", it is the story of satisfaction realized.  I will not lament the passing of yesterday's youth.  Rather, I will celebrate my today and the wisdom of time.  I will allow the temples and shrines of my past to stand.  I will walk in the gardens of my memories but, I will never again live there.  The best days of my life are ahead of me, not behind.  If someone says to me "You can never go home again" I will smile and know in my heart, I'm already here.

Roger H. P. Clark

Someday You Will Remember

You hide yourself dear
Someday you will remember
I always see you

I know your true heart

This much I know is certain

Love resides in you

Fighting for control

Someday you will remember

You were always free

Running Far Away

Escape is just illusion

Face your deepest fears

Go now if you must

Someday you will remember

My heart will follow

Spring time through Winter

The seasons of man are short

Time forgives little

One thing will endure 

Someday you will remember 

I adore you  Still

I have been experimenting with an English interpretation of  Japanese Haiku.  I have a deep respect for Japanese culture.  I admire the simplicity, strength and beauty it embodies.  Haiku is one verse with three lines.   Five sounds (In English we adapt this as syllables)  in the first line, seven in the second, and five again, in the final line.  I wanted to emulate the style but as I do not speak or write Japanese.  I thought to add my own flavor to its beauty.  I have written seven Haiku that I believe stand alone and yet share a common theme.  I hope I have done honor to the tradition and the spirit of the style. (RM)

Getting It Right

So many time in my life

I would cling too tight

To ideas, places and people

Holding on with all my might

Soon those things would tear away

Rending bits of soul and heart

Crushing those things that I loved

Until they fell apart

For a time I was misguided

Patron Saint of the rejected

Blinded by my selfishness 

Sitting brokenhearted and dejected

A subtle change emerged in me

A better new perspective

People sometimes have to leave

So love may return perfected

Everyone needs space to grow

Some room to breath and thrive

Being strong enough to let them go

Can keep love's spark alive

It's possible the road may turn

That they could walk away

Wiser, recognize their freedom

Than to try and make them stay

It seems I've finally grown up 

Don't feel the need to fight

The things in life I cannot change

This time I've got it right

Letting go always seemed scary.  Irrational fears of being alone, insecurity, all gone.  I stand a better man.  Life: "You scared bro.?"  Me: "Nah, I ain't even scared." (RM)

The Change

When the law is seen protecting only some

If the blessing of liberty is denied to anyone

While my color or gender dictates the fields where I may run

A change has got to come, A change has got to come.

When in bounty's bosom children hunger when they sleep

If our defenders don't believe in laws they keep

While the wealthy rise only to make the masses weep

A change is bound to come, A change is bound to come

When a generation struggles to find identity

If we all grow tired of avarice and enmity

While we still can find the strength to save democracy

A change will surely come, A change will surely come

When I call you brother, sister, family and friend

If I vow to change my heart to finally feel again

While my voice can lift a song of hope and love's refrain

I'll know the change has finally come, Dear Lord that change has finally come

The past few years have been radical for me.  I have adopted personal change that has set me free spiritually.  I have gone from being a victim of my circumstance to being a victor and the author of my own story.  The reshaping of this world beings with one person changing and with each subsequent change we move closer to paradise regained.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." ~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Three Sisters

Three Sisters-young girls at the shore painting by artist Kay Crain 
(used temporarily and without permission)

Three sisters, all on different shores

Separated and yet, bound by a common history

At times demon pursued and always God blessed

Even their own families could not believe the stories

Miner's daughters

Loving mothers and wives

Angels of mercy and terrible vengeance

Sisters, mothers and aunts who've shared so much of their lives

  

Three sisters, suffered and toiled

Robbed of health by a common vice

Suffering children and spouses that never understood

The span of those lives, the burden, and the price

Their unfailing devotion

Their indomitable spirits

Voices that could make you smile or weep

Call you down low or raise you up, extol your merits

Three sisters, passed through shadow

Forged by the fires of violence and revolution

Cooled by internal, eternal waters of life

Honed like razors for their family's protection

Stalwart guardians and teachers

Never given your full credit due

Your children are here now

Finally understanding, we appreciate you

Three sisters, one now gone home

Two sisters, separated but not alone

One sister my oath to defend

Three sisters loved by children now grown

This poem is dedicated to my Aunts Barbara, Goiky, and my mother Margy.  Three sisters who have given all and have raised families that love them.  Aunt Barb, I know you are interceding for us, smiling down from heaven.  We miss you and await the day when we are all reunited as a family in a reunion that will shake the heavens.

Hon Seusi se haiku - 혼 초밥​​ 세 하이쿠 - Three Haiku for Hon Sushi

Good friends sit around

Sashimi and Nigiri

Laughter fills the room

The Taste of Salmon,

Creamy Nigorizake,

Friday's Salvation

Last call for sake

Tonight has been wonderful

Kamsahamnida 

Hon Sushi is owned by "My brother from another mother" Chris.  He and his family serve great food and the place is always packed on the weekends.  If you are ever in Morovia, CA you have to give them a try.  By the way I'm not being paid to endorse them.  Just practicing with Haiku and this place always inspires a smile.  

Hon Sushi - 144 W Foothill Blvd, Monrovia, California 91016

If God Should Lose Faith In Me

A passing thought occurred to me

When hearing someone say

That they had lost their faith in God

How it got in their way

I asked myself how life would be

If God lost faith in me?

Would the blessings I perceive

Just simply cease to be?

If she lost her faith in me 

Would that mercy fade away?

And in my darkest hours 

Could I find the light of day?

If the Cosmic Hosts denied my name

Ignored my very being

Should I then cease to exist

My life lose all its meaning?

I believe in my eternal soul

However it came to be

I believe that there is God somehow

Whether they or he or she

In life we may not see or measure

Everything around

The Cosmos filled with mysteries

That for a time confound

We think we know things solidly

And then perceptions change

The truths we once were so sure of

Transform and rearrange

It must be hard for even God

To lose the faith of men

When circumstances shake their lives

To win it once again

God, however you exist

You know I still believe

I only ask that when I fail

Please don't lose faith in me

Life has been a test and affirmation of faith countless times.    I do not suppose to have the answers; I try to ask the right questions.  I try to emulate Christ in the way I love.  I seek peace and enlightenment.  I respect the teachings of all faiths and seek how those pieces fit together in the human puzzle.  I do not believe in God the way many people do, but I do believe.  

Different Yet The Same

In retrospect

I sit and review

The faces that 

I've shown to you

The angry boy

I used to be

Replaced by man

Contemplatively

The anger swells

Inside me still

Like tempest storms

That test my will

As time has passed

I chose to learn

That different fires

Inside us burn

Spirit, energy, intellect

Resolve, positivism, and vision

Replace the hopelessness and rage

That once held those positions

I seek to ride positive streams

Engage my inner light

At times the world around me seeks

To goad me back to fight

Perhaps a balance still I need

Between the flesh and soul

Acknowledge frail humanity

And evolution of the soul

Not every battle can be won

With prayer or good intention

At times the warrior must rise

And enter to contention

I know that I desire to lead

With harmony and peace

And slow to rile the baser side

Unleashing primal beast

So warrior and poet

Both exist inside this frame

Each support the way I feel

So different yet, the same

I'm still seeking.  I'm still growing; everyday a little stronger than the one before.

Sanford Come Golgotha

Just another Jew?

Just another Nigger?

Just another innocent

A kid going home to get his dinner

You denied him thrice; before the cock crowed

You hid behind excuses for murder, playing Sadducees and Pharisees

You justify a homicide and now your true self showed

Afraid of a fucking kid no, you should be afraid of me.

Angry, riotous

Indignant , incensed

Resolved, righteous

Prayerful, fasting, mournful and intense

Just another casualty

Pinned on society's cross

Just a bag of silver

The heart and soul of a system lost

It really doesn't matter

What the verdict reads

Your hands and face smeared and blood spattered

We see the crown, don't we?

Sanford come Golgotha the innocent pays the price

Now cowards, hear the sound, boots on the ground.

We bring  injustice to light

Past time for us all to Stand Our Ground

Dear friends, I used language in this work I do not normally use nor condone.  I apologize to anyone offended.  I tried to give voice to my anger and disbelief.  I wanted to report honestly what I see, the only way I know how.