I CAN'T BREATHE

Freedom can never be 

until it is for ALL

I CAN'T BREATHE!!!

Liberty is just a word

until WE can say it together

I CAN'T Breathe...

Justice is a phantom

unless it serves every NEED

I Can't breathe. . .

America's ephemeral dream

IS dying in the streets

I   can't   breathe

People must rise up

and act in UNITY

i can't breathe

There is no them

only us NOW

I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE!!!

by Roger H. P. Clark (The Necromata)

These Things I Own

It has been said 

These things you own

Indeed, instead, own you

I am unsure 

And wonder still 

Is this completely true

Most certainly

They may become 

A woven part of you

My deepest fear

This mind's invention

The darkest lust

And good intention

My cruel thought

Or kindest deed

Lash out in anger

Give aid to need

The broken promises

The resolved stand

As I pushed them away

Or held out my hand

Oh, bold design

Life's masterpiece

My failed attempts

Like falling leaves

Intoxicated, brooding form

Dark, cold, empty soul

Poor, beating, noble heart

That burns as hot as coal

Mocking little vanities

Cracked mirrored reflections

Wind blown, seeking bourne

In damned, earthly condition

My dirty little lies

Or bold imposing truths

Each testify my worth

When looked at, show the proof

In deepest, dark sequester

Searching, running, free

These things, I own

And, still I ask

Do they, infact, own me?

What do I own?  My life.  All of it.  This place in time or at least, my part in it.  I am not victim to any man or circumstance.  I am not tennant nor prisoner.  This is my life, my doing, my choices.  These are my things, all of them.  I am bound, only in this frame and to my decisions.  What do you own?

I'm Not OK

I'm not ok

It's hard to say

But, yet I know it's true

The cruel way

My world can be

The pains both old and new

I try to do

What I believe 

Are all the the proper things

Amazing still

How futile now

So many of them seem

I'm not ok

I won't pretend

To make you comfortable

Sheltering you

Is far too much

I am not indestructible

Hostility

And disrespect

Until I mirrored them

It took a fall

Just breaking down

To be myself again

I'm not ok

So please don't ask

Unless you care to hear

About the building

I must do

To close this gaping tear

I know that it

Will be alright

With time and meditation

But while I build

Don't be surprised

By me and my vexation

I'm not ok

I feel alone

So tired, lost, and stranded

Like wandering

A desert road

Forgotten and abandoned 

Forgive me now

If it seems harsh

My blatant honesty

But while I covered 

All of your wounds

No one was healing me

I'm not ok

But I am strong

I will rebound again

When I can rise

I hope to find

That we are all still friends 

I have spent a lifetime trying to be a hero.  Trying to fix other people, other things, so that I didn't have to deal with my own pain.  The last six years of my life were spent in a very toxic environment.  I endured the ridiculous, trying to do the impossible, and found myself trying not to compromise my own ethics in an environment that was very ethically deficient.  I broke down.  It had to happen; thank God it happened.  At the very least, I am addressing these emotions and these circumstances without my normal filters.  So, if you are my friend, please stand by while I adjust the vertical and the horizontal.  I'm doing some much needed repairs and soon will be fine tuning the man I need to be.

How Long is a Lifetime?

Painting by Robert Ives.
Image used without permission from ivesart.com

Swinging, playing, in the park
What seems like yesterday
I longed to hold on to your hand
But turned and walked away

Then once again when our paths crossed
Your smile knocked me off my feet
Too shy, again, the chance was lost
I journeyed lonely and incomplete

The Springtime, here and gone so quickly
The Summer, came and went
The innocence I once held richly
I fear has all been spent

At every turn, in retrospect
I'd stumble into you
Never once did I expect
That you could love me too

I said I'd wait a lifetime
For you, that touch, your kiss
But I wish now, I'd recognized
The chances that I missed

The Autumn leaves are falling
The Winter closes in
If now I falter and keep stalling
How can I ever win?

How long is a lifetime
That youth is squandered so?
How many chances will be mine
Before I finally know?

So, if I act now, somehow hurried
Break some sacred protocol
It's that I feel the seasons blurring
I soon may have no time at all

The winds of life begin to chill
I see all of the signs
I answer before my heart grows still
This is, my love, life's time






There is a time for waiting.  There is a season for temperance.  But, comes the day when inaction is just lost opportunity and sad, lonely regret.  Can missed opportunity become a most beautiful future?  Carpe Diem

So They Might Know You Better

Father, I ask for your blessing and Holy Spirit

As I live my life and as I write these verses

Help me explain your mercy as I have come to know it

That it be a true testimony and witness

You came to us from working class poverty

To prove that even the lowest of us can be exalted

Bringing a new law that freed us from slavery

Proof that a soul can not be walled or vaulted

Parables not given as lecture but inspiration

Ideas that shook the earth and caused the skies to open

Lessons not for one people, instead given for every nation

Through enlightened teaching, old chains were finally broken

Judgement turned to kindness and charity

Now between justice and love

There would be no disparity

Here below as promised above

You came and showed us freedom's cost

Responsibility for our lives and those we touch

To hold up a light for those who are lost

And give up even our lives, if it come to that much

The Word made flesh, the essence of  grace

Love thy neighbor as thyself

God's law given a new face

A source of joy and eternal wealth

Through our rebellions and failures

In the darkest hours of despair

It is your love that endures

It is that hope that we can share

Scourged and mocked like a criminal 

Nailed on the Skull Rock to a cross

Darkened skies and earthquake as the signal

Signs of impending victory not those of loss

After three days, risen to walk with us again

Sin and death defeated for all mankind

One price, one final sacrifice, born of our pain

That we would know him better and find our love refined

There are times in my life when I question everything.  My heart has consistently come back to one conclusion.  I am free not because I am deserving of freedom but because the cost of my ransom has been paid.  I believe that all people receive this gift; just as we were bound to sin, so are we freed from it.  I have no judgement, for I have been given reprieve.  I have understanding that my imperfect love can be perfected.  While my worn and weary heart may falter, the source of my love never fades.  God, help me that I always remember to love and forgive, as you have loved and forgiven me through Christ Jesus.

Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela – Madiba

Good night, dear, wise, Tata

Rest now and watch us from on high 

Finally, your long walk is ended

Your legacy will not pass into the night

As you led your people out of evil

As you showed the world nobility

So shall we take up your banner

So shall we forge a new reality

Thank you brother Madiba

We now tread forward in your stead

As our foot steps cause the ground to tremble

They will all know you are far from dead

The voice of dissent is not silenced

The fight for freedom not ended

Thus shall we walk the long road to freedom

Thus shall we labor until the damage is mended

We've rested long enough

Still so much left to do

Our voices join yours in heaven

Amandla! Awethu!  Amandla! Awethu!

I will celebrate the life of Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela.  His voice inspired me as a child and his legacy remains an intricate part of my being.  To call him a hero is inadequate.  Any words I have will fail.  I will continue to fight for freedom though my meager efforts are laughable.  In some small way, maybe as part of a larger voice, I can play my part.  Thank you brother for your life and your inspiration.    

Hi, My Name is Roger

Hi, my name is Roger
I 'm much more than what you see
These withered hands, and broken form
Not who I used to be

As little boy I dreamed of space
And knights on brilliant steeds
I knew that I would change the world
With all my noble deeds

As young man, fought to reconcile
The unjust pain I saw
With all the things my parents said
About a loving God

I tried to be a soldier once
But couldn't understand
How force of arms could ever bring
Freedom to every man

I married twice and failed them both
Perhaps we failed each other
It was hard for me, the balancing
Of husband, friend and lover

I always strove through out my life
To speak for what was right
Champion the cause of liberty
To which I cling with all my might

I wrote some prose, a vanity
I hope they will endure
A testament to who I was
Before my thoughts obscured

You did not know the man I was
But, we were once the same
The joy of life once pulsed in me
And passion filled my veins

I lay here now and this one thing
I ask of you young friend
Treat me kindly; as you yourself
Will someday reach your end

I know I may appear to be
A burden in your eyes
But understand trapped in this frame
That little boy resides




I dedicate this poem to my mother Margy Clark who has been bedridden and in a convalescent home for nearly a year.  My sister and I have gone to her side nearly everyday.  Although we know we cannot care for her needs ourselves, we recognize our responsibility to the woman who gave us life.  I have gotten to know a number of the residents at the home and I am saddened by how infrequently their families visit.  I am also shocked by how they are treated at times.  Thanks be to God, my mother's home is a good one.  She has good food, and lives in a clean facility.  But, I know that this is far from true for so many others.  Men and women who built this country and the world often lay in horrid conditions, forgotten and alone.  I wrote this piece to remind everyone that we will all succumb to the great equalizer at some point in our lives.  May you all be treated with the love, regard, and care that you provide your elders today.

The Rose and the Flame

Sit comfortably

In a quiet room, alone

Enjoy the silence

Breathe in through your nose

Exhale slowly from your mouth

Slow, steady, rhythm

Picture a rose bud

Hold the flower in your mind

Push out distractions

See the soft petals

Focus on every detail

Cells pulsing with life

Simple true beauty

Dew drop caressed perfection

Full of energy

Envision a flame

Light, warmth, and vital essence

Touching everything

Powerful nature

Creation, destruction, strength

Boundless potential

Watch it dance and sway

Chasing away the darkness

The aura of hope

Joining images

Place the flame below the rose

See the flower blooms

Tender sails unfurl

Sweet aroma rises forth

Forms crystalline sphere

Imagine yourself

Entering the chrysalis

Feel the warmth

Seek out areas

In yourself that cause you pain

Visualize them

Gather them, form them

Becoming Spirit Steel bars

Re-enforce your sphere

Feel yourself growing

The chrysalis molds to you

Rose flame fuels your heart

Breathe in slow and deep

Let cool life water rain down

Drink, wash away care

Emerge clean and new

Armored in experience

Strong in conviction

Meditation is an opportunity to slow down and breathe.  The practice of meditative exercises and breathing techniques is found in one form or another in every culture.  I wanted to mimic the 5 - 7 - 5 meter of Haiku.  I hope you find healing and renewal as you envision these images and seek center.  Namaste.  Peace be with you and with your spirit.

The Truth

There are no walls for the soul

There is no cage for the heart

When you’re searching for your freedom

Knowing this is the crucial part

You can overcome any trial

Use your mind’s eye to see

Set your spirit forward in motion

Then claim your victory

Focus every desire of your heart

Through daily meditation

Manifest your destiny

Practice positive confession

Hone in on an action plan

Inscribe it in your being

Remind yourself everyday

There is no limit, no upper ceiling

Your hands are there to shape and mold

The things that caused you pain

Become your weapons and armor

Forged and formed by flame

Only you can make this change

The power of your spirit

Allow yourself to realize

The truth now that you hear it

This is truth.  No matter what you have been led to believe.  No matter what fools have tried to convince you of, nor what you allowed yourself to believe, you are the author of your story.  The armies arrayed against you are made of paper and you hold the flame to burn them down.  Rise up be the person you want to be.

The Butterfly Effect

In the space of my mind's eye

It's clear and well defined

The moment locked in history

When you, almost, were mine

Awkward and uncomfortable

Expressions I could not find

A stutter step cost me, I know 

Your love for all of time

Sometimes alone, I close my eyes

Envisioning that night

To travel back imagining

And try to make things right

If I could use my words and deeds

Why surely, then you'd see

The love I know that we still share

Would finally set us free

Some call the Universe limitless

With parallel possibilities

I'd like to think in one of them

We're together happily

I do accept the way we are

I see life rationally

Somehow the way things are today

Is how it's meant to be

Just know that thoughts of you remain

Among my precious things

My love, these dreams I now release

Take flight on butterfly's wings

I think we all have a lover in our past that haunts our dreams.  The one who didn't work out.  "The one that got away."  It's healthy and natural to reminisce and wonder what could have been.  In the end though, growth comes through acknowledgement and moving forward.  You never know where life will take you but, you can't remain stagnant if you want to find out.

Steve

My thoughts are so disjointed

How could you take your life?

I'm angry, frustrated and disappointed 

Look at all this damage, hurt and strife

Brother, I am sorry you were in so much pain

I feel guilty that you felt you couldn't call

Knowing that I won't speak to you again

Is the most painful thing of all

No fucking answers just questions now

We were the same Goddamn age

Wondering if we failed you and how

Feeling emptiness and rage

These fatal steps can't be retraced

Why Steve? Man, why?

What was the problem that you faced

That made you want to die?

I guess there's no point asking
There's not much left that we can do

Console each other's mourning
Just know this bro; we miss you.




I got the call last night from Steve's brother and one of my best friends, Larry.  I am still in shock these words are anemic at best.  This is how I deal with loss.  I don't know or care if my prose are any good.  I just needed to do something with all this angry energy.  My condolences go out to Steve's family.

I'm Already Here

The Late, Great, Perkin's Palace

This weekend I went to a Heavy Metal show to see Anthrax, Megadeth, and Iron Maiden.  There's an old saying in English "You can never go home again."  This show gave me great pause to consider this adage.  The bands sounded great, and they proved to be truly top notch entertainers but, something was very different.  We are all obviously older but that wasn't it.  As I tried to figure out what I was feeling, it came to me.  I am different.

Years ago I did the "club thing".  I would go to the Troubadour,  The Roxy, Gazzari's, Perkin's Palace, name a dive where the music was live and loud; I would be there.  I even worked as a roadie for bands that would later become enduring parts of the Heavy Metal scene.  In those days sex, drugs, and rock and roll wasn't a catch phrase, it was reality.  I lived life hard and fast and told myself I was having fun.  Then one day I woke up and it was all over.  

Most former addicts or "recovering addicts" will be able to tell you exactly what happened to make them quit or what the "turning point" in their life was.  It was different for me.  I never felt comfortable in my role as a Hesher/ Stoner.  Some might say I was a "Poser", a title that would have infuriated me at the time, but I think I am good with it now.  Whatever the case may be, I awoke from my Rock and Roll coma and decided to take a different path.

I am not going to try and tell the whole story at this point but, today I work closely with Law Enforcement and my life is in a very different place.  Maybe not so oddly, I romanticized the "Heavy Metal 80's" in my own head.  My memories were of a time when the battle cry was "Die Young!" and I was poisoning myself just to the brink of making it come true.  I'm glad I didn't; I still lament the loss of friends who did not make the switch in time.

As I said earlier, the show this weekend was great and a great "eye opener".  I am not the confused kid I was then.  Beyond that, I no longer feel the need to be that kid anymore.  The music and the videos from the 80's will always be enshrined in my heart and I would not change those memories for any others.  That said, I am happier and more at peace with my life than ever before.  Nothing is perfect but it can be good, even great if you choose to let it be.  

This is not a story of "Paradise Lost", it is the story of satisfaction realized.  I will not lament the passing of yesterday's youth.  Rather, I will celebrate my today and the wisdom of time.  I will allow the temples and shrines of my past to stand.  I will walk in the gardens of my memories but, I will never again live there.  The best days of my life are ahead of me, not behind.  If someone says to me "You can never go home again" I will smile and know in my heart, I'm already here.

Roger H. P. Clark

Someday You Will Remember

You hide yourself dear
Someday you will remember
I always see you

I know your true heart

This much I know is certain

Love resides in you

Fighting for control

Someday you will remember

You were always free

Running Far Away

Escape is just illusion

Face your deepest fears

Go now if you must

Someday you will remember

My heart will follow

Spring time through Winter

The seasons of man are short

Time forgives little

One thing will endure 

Someday you will remember 

I adore you  Still

I have been experimenting with an English interpretation of  Japanese Haiku.  I have a deep respect for Japanese culture.  I admire the simplicity, strength and beauty it embodies.  Haiku is one verse with three lines.   Five sounds (In English we adapt this as syllables)  in the first line, seven in the second, and five again, in the final line.  I wanted to emulate the style but as I do not speak or write Japanese.  I thought to add my own flavor to its beauty.  I have written seven Haiku that I believe stand alone and yet share a common theme.  I hope I have done honor to the tradition and the spirit of the style. (RM)

Getting It Right

So many time in my life

I would cling too tight

To ideas, places and people

Holding on with all my might

Soon those things would tear away

Rending bits of soul and heart

Crushing those things that I loved

Until they fell apart

For a time I was misguided

Patron Saint of the rejected

Blinded by my selfishness 

Sitting brokenhearted and dejected

A subtle change emerged in me

A better new perspective

People sometimes have to leave

So love may return perfected

Everyone needs space to grow

Some room to breath and thrive

Being strong enough to let them go

Can keep love's spark alive

It's possible the road may turn

That they could walk away

Wiser, recognize their freedom

Than to try and make them stay

It seems I've finally grown up 

Don't feel the need to fight

The things in life I cannot change

This time I've got it right

Letting go always seemed scary.  Irrational fears of being alone, insecurity, all gone.  I stand a better man.  Life: "You scared bro.?"  Me: "Nah, I ain't even scared." (RM)

The Change

When the law is seen protecting only some

If the blessing of liberty is denied to anyone

While my color or gender dictates the fields where I may run

A change has got to come, A change has got to come.

When in bounty's bosom children hunger when they sleep

If our defenders don't believe in laws they keep

While the wealthy rise only to make the masses weep

A change is bound to come, A change is bound to come

When a generation struggles to find identity

If we all grow tired of avarice and enmity

While we still can find the strength to save democracy

A change will surely come, A change will surely come

When I call you brother, sister, family and friend

If I vow to change my heart to finally feel again

While my voice can lift a song of hope and love's refrain

I'll know the change has finally come, Dear Lord that change has finally come

The past few years have been radical for me.  I have adopted personal change that has set me free spiritually.  I have gone from being a victim of my circumstance to being a victor and the author of my own story.  The reshaping of this world beings with one person changing and with each subsequent change we move closer to paradise regained.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world." ~ Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Three Sisters

Three Sisters-young girls at the shore painting by artist Kay Crain 
(used temporarily and without permission)

Three sisters, all on different shores

Separated and yet, bound by a common history

At times demon pursued and always God blessed

Even their own families could not believe the stories

Miner's daughters

Loving mothers and wives

Angels of mercy and terrible vengeance

Sisters, mothers and aunts who've shared so much of their lives

  

Three sisters, suffered and toiled

Robbed of health by a common vice

Suffering children and spouses that never understood

The span of those lives, the burden, and the price

Their unfailing devotion

Their indomitable spirits

Voices that could make you smile or weep

Call you down low or raise you up, extol your merits

Three sisters, passed through shadow

Forged by the fires of violence and revolution

Cooled by internal, eternal waters of life

Honed like razors for their family's protection

Stalwart guardians and teachers

Never given your full credit due

Your children are here now

Finally understanding, we appreciate you

Three sisters, one now gone home

Two sisters, separated but not alone

One sister my oath to defend

Three sisters loved by children now grown

This poem is dedicated to my Aunts Barbara, Goiky, and my mother Margy.  Three sisters who have given all and have raised families that love them.  Aunt Barb, I know you are interceding for us, smiling down from heaven.  We miss you and await the day when we are all reunited as a family in a reunion that will shake the heavens.

Hon Seusi se haiku - 혼 초밥​​ 세 하이쿠 - Three Haiku for Hon Sushi

Good friends sit around

Sashimi and Nigiri

Laughter fills the room

The Taste of Salmon,

Creamy Nigorizake,

Friday's Salvation

Last call for sake

Tonight has been wonderful

Kamsahamnida 

Hon Sushi is owned by "My brother from another mother" Chris.  He and his family serve great food and the place is always packed on the weekends.  If you are ever in Morovia, CA you have to give them a try.  By the way I'm not being paid to endorse them.  Just practicing with Haiku and this place always inspires a smile.  

Hon Sushi - 144 W Foothill Blvd, Monrovia, California 91016

If God Should Lose Faith In Me

A passing thought occurred to me

When hearing someone say

That they had lost their faith in God

How it got in their way

I asked myself how life would be

If God lost faith in me?

Would the blessings I perceive

Just simply cease to be?

If she lost her faith in me 

Would that mercy fade away?

And in my darkest hours 

Could I find the light of day?

If the Cosmic Hosts denied my name

Ignored my very being

Should I then cease to exist

My life lose all its meaning?

I believe in my eternal soul

However it came to be

I believe that there is God somehow

Whether they or he or she

In life we may not see or measure

Everything around

The Cosmos filled with mysteries

That for a time confound

We think we know things solidly

And then perceptions change

The truths we once were so sure of

Transform and rearrange

It must be hard for even God

To lose the faith of men

When circumstances shake their lives

To win it once again

God, however you exist

You know I still believe

I only ask that when I fail

Please don't lose faith in me

Life has been a test and affirmation of faith countless times.    I do not suppose to have the answers; I try to ask the right questions.  I try to emulate Christ in the way I love.  I seek peace and enlightenment.  I respect the teachings of all faiths and seek how those pieces fit together in the human puzzle.  I do not believe in God the way many people do, but I do believe.  

Different Yet The Same

In retrospect

I sit and review

The faces that 

I've shown to you

The angry boy

I used to be

Replaced by man

Contemplatively

The anger swells

Inside me still

Like tempest storms

That test my will

As time has passed

I chose to learn

That different fires

Inside us burn

Spirit, energy, intellect

Resolve, positivism, and vision

Replace the hopelessness and rage

That once held those positions

I seek to ride positive streams

Engage my inner light

At times the world around me seeks

To goad me back to fight

Perhaps a balance still I need

Between the flesh and soul

Acknowledge frail humanity

And evolution of the soul

Not every battle can be won

With prayer or good intention

At times the warrior must rise

And enter to contention

I know that I desire to lead

With harmony and peace

And slow to rile the baser side

Unleashing primal beast

So warrior and poet

Both exist inside this frame

Each support the way I feel

So different yet, the same

I'm still seeking.  I'm still growing; everyday a little stronger than the one before.

Sanford Come Golgotha

Just another Jew?

Just another Nigger?

Just another innocent

A kid going home to get his dinner

You denied him thrice; before the cock crowed

You hid behind excuses for murder, playing Sadducees and Pharisees

You justify a homicide and now your true self showed

Afraid of a fucking kid no, you should be afraid of me.

Angry, riotous

Indignant , incensed

Resolved, righteous

Prayerful, fasting, mournful and intense

Just another casualty

Pinned on society's cross

Just a bag of silver

The heart and soul of a system lost

It really doesn't matter

What the verdict reads

Your hands and face smeared and blood spattered

We see the crown, don't we?

Sanford come Golgotha the innocent pays the price

Now cowards, hear the sound, boots on the ground.

We bring  injustice to light

Past time for us all to Stand Our Ground

Dear friends, I used language in this work I do not normally use nor condone.  I apologize to anyone offended.  I tried to give voice to my anger and disbelief.  I wanted to report honestly what I see, the only way I know how.